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Marriage : A guide for Every Choson and Kalla

Written by Yehudis Kormornick

The following are brief notes ideally for a choson and kalla before their wedding so that the day can be more meaningful. Please also see the other vort in this section for a list of things to daven for…


– Marriage gives every person a chance to start with a pure soul

– Every choson and Kallah begins marriage with a clean slate, just as Adam and Chava did when they were married

– Choson and kallah say viduy at mincha (to repent and wipe away all sins as on Yom Kippur). And ask Hashem in own words to forgive all their previous sins. As soon as the ceremony begins their sins are forgiven.

– Kallah – veil is symbol of beauty for her husband. Emulates Rivka- She should be like Rivka. White dress symbolises purity; she should be free from sin on wedding day.

– Ketuba – contains a committment for

1) food 2) clothing 3) conjugal rights

– Chuppah represents the couple’s house

-Custom for Choson not to have anything in their pockets and Kalla’s not to wear jewellery under chuppah; symbolises they will take each other even with empty pockets, they accept each other for who they are.

– Choson and Kallah begin walking to the chuppah right foot first – start the marriage on the “right foot”, the marriage will be “right”, walk in the ways of chesed/mercy…

-Choson is first one under chuppah because the house is the man’s domain (the man of the house). Last one to the chuppah is the bride. It is taught “the last is the most precious”. The star/Queen of the wedding is the Kallah.

– Kallah walks around the Choson – 1) A wife is like a wall for her husband protecting him from external temptation. She protects him. 2) She binds him with certain obligations (food/clothing/conjugal rights)

– Choson giving wedding ring; he will protect her

– She walks around him 7 times – 7 days of creation, every marriage is an enactment of the creation process

– Under the chuppah the Kallah stands on the right side of the Choson, symbolises she will always be at his right side to help him. At all other times the Choson is to the right of the kallah

– 3 stages of marriage

1) Kiddushin

2) Chuppah

3) Blessing

– First make brocha over the wine, symbolises joy

– 1) Kiddushin – Need 2 witnesses specially desugnated. The Rabbi takes ring from Choson and asks if it is his. Choson says litlle prayer (“Behold you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the law of Moshe and israel”) before placing the ring on Kallah’s finger. Choson takes ring in his right hand. Giving of the ring is likened to G-d’s giving of the Torah. The ring is placed on the right hand. Right hand represents love. The Choson and Kallah are now consecrated to each other and are considered a married person.

Then the Ketuba is read to separate the two parts of the ceremony

– 2) Chuppah – Since the Chuppah represents the Choson and Kallah married and living together the Kallah should have her Ketuba in her posession. During the wedding and afterwards the Kallah must keep the Ketuba with a trustworthy person to keep it safe.

– 3) 7 Blessings – Said over a cup of wine.

Blessing 1) – wine

Blessing 2) – G-d’s glory. Creation, something from nothing

Blessing 3) – Creation of man – something from something

Blessing 4) – “who created man in His image”

Blessing 5) – Blessing for Jerusalem. (Where Adam was created. Adam was taken from Jerusalem to Gan Eden. Blessing recalling Adam and Chava in Gan Eden)

Blessing 6) – Joy for Choson and Kallah separately

Blessing 7) – Joy for the couple together. Contains 10 different levels of Joy

– Choson and Kallah then sip the wine

– Choson then breaks the glass – Fear of G-d/Awe, Destruction of the Temple, There’s still much sadness in the world, We received Torah at Mt Sinai which symbolised marriage between G-d and Israel. The wedding ceremony enactment of Mt sinai where the first tablets were broken.

– Yichud room

– And you’re married!!!!!

Mazel Tov

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