Brief outline of tefillas for your wedding day
By Yehudis Kormornick.
Use this to help you to focus on the Prayers that will be the foundation of your future lives.
On your wedding day Hashem listens to all your prayers.
Heaven's gates are opened to your prayers so ask for anything and everything! (Speak in English to ask for all you want).
This Davening list has purposely been written in a brief manner so that you can take these notes and develop them for your own prayers. Many couples have benefitted from printing this guide out and keeping it with them on the day of their wedding!
- Whole family and each others family...
- friends / anyone who needs something ...
What they need: find bashert, children, money, health, happiness, clarity, hatzlocha, refuah sheleima, strength, bring back to way of Hashem ...
- The Jewish people - our enemies should not harm us and we should live in peace.
- Please bring Moshiach soon...
- Ask Hashem for forgiveness for yourself and each other. Whatever you can think of that you've done (been rude to someone/ hurt someone's feelings/ parents...) so you can begin a new life together.
- I pray that we will be able to work on everything together, no matter what it may be, and grow constantly together as one.
- Give me strength to be a good wife/husband. Always encourage each other, bring out the best in each other, support each other, speak to each other lovingly and gently even if we are having a disagreement, let our words not be harsh, give us chochma to say the right words/do the right things so we may not upset one another.
- Help us build a true Jewish home, filled with love and respect for one another.
- Give us wisdom to know what is right and the strength to carry out that knowledge.
- Please G-d we'll have children be'sha tova, in the right time, in a good time.
- May we have children that will be healthy and whole in every aspect, in every limb, healthy physically, mentally and emotionally.
- Children that love You Hashem and love Your Torah (refer to the vezakeni Prayer said after candle lighting)
- May we be good parents and raise good children that love and respect us
- May we bring up our children without pain or difficulty
- Let it not be too difficult for me/my wife to become pregnant, and may my/her pregnancies and birth be healthy, full-term and not too difficult.
- Please let our children be healthy and strong....
- Please give us parnassa, so that we should not be lacking for anything or troubled by money worries....
- May we not experience pain, hurt, sickness...
- Please let us be in a marriage of constant giving to one another, so that peace (Sholom bayis) will dwell between us/among us/in our home. May we always strive together for sholom bayis.
- May we both always focus on how we can bring out the best in each other, make each other happy, be there for each other.
- Help me to be more giving, less selfish....
- Help me to focus on the positive in him/her/situations and let my spouse only see the good in me. Let us be happy/ optimistic.
- Let us have a happy home
- Help me to be honest, thoughtful, kind, patient, appreciative, loving, loyal, sensitive, supportive, understanding, not get angry, happy, respectful with/to my husband/wife. Help mu husband/wife to be good, kind.....
- Let us have a good physical relationship as well as spiritual/emotional relationship
- Help us to keep the laws of family purity.
- Please G-d our love for one another will only continue to grow and grow stronger and deeper, and we will come closer to each other.
- Let us always be able to spend quality time together and be able to discuss things openly.
- Please G-d we will be so happy together and we will only have simchas in our lives.
- May we always feel close to You Hashem on our journey through life together.
THANK YOU HASHEM!
What to think/daven on the day of your wedding
In Gan Eden, Adam and Chava were the happiest they could ever be when they got married. Why? Because they knew they were bashert, they knew they were destined for each other. There was no-one else!! Even though there are now lots of other people in the world, as soon as you are married to each other it's as if there is no-one else in the world.
No-one else that could be better, more this or more that, G-d chose your husband specifically for you and you only.
If there is something you discover that doesn't seem to be perfect, it's either because you can live with it or it's a nessayon/test for you to work on and grow to be the person you need to be.
You can just read off all the prayers and add in your own extras wherever you want.
The more you daven on the day and speak to Hashem the closer you feel to Him. Hashem is right there with you, listening to your every word.
You can feel so connected and you will really feel so uplifted and spiritual on the day if you use the day well. You will feel that Hashem is with you and it can make the whole wedding so much more powerful and beautiful.
My Rebbetzen told me that the yetzer hara is trying his best on the day, so it's likely that something probably will go wrong whether it be the timings of the day/flowers/music/your dress/your hair...but all these are physical things and they don't really matter. Try not to get stressed.
If you stay connected to Hashem and ignore anything that would otherwise make you so upset (you spent ages picking those flowers and th
ey're not what you asked for!...etc) then your day will be the most beautiful, wonderful day.
Guide for every Choson and Kalla
The following are brief notes ideally for a choson and kalla before their wedding so that the day can be more meaningful.
- Marriage gives every person a chance to start with a pure soul
- Every choson and Kallah begins marriage with a clean slate, just as Adam and Chava did when they were married
- Choson and kallah say viduy at mincha (to repent and wipe away all sins as on Yom Kippur). And ask Hashem in own words to forgive all their previous sins. As soon as the ceremony begins their sins are forgiven.
- Kallah - veil is symbol of beauty for her husband. Emulates Rivka - She should be like Rivka.
White dress symbolises purity; she should be free from sin on wedding day.
- Ketuba - contains a committment for
1) food 2) clothing 3) conjugal rights
- Chuppah represents the couple's house
-Custom for Choson not to have anything in their pockets and Kalla's not to wear jewellery under chuppah; symbolises they will take each other even with empty pockets, they accept each other for who they are.
- Choson and Kallah begin walking to the chuppah right foot first - start the marriage on the "right foot", the marriage will be "right", walk in the ways of chesed/mercy...
-Choson is first one under chuppah because the house is the man's domain (the man of the house).
-Last one to the chuppah is the bride. It is taught "the last is the most precious". The star/Queen of the wedding is the Kallah.
- Kallah walks around the Choson - 1) A wife is like a wall for her husband protecting him from external temptation. She protects him. 2) She binds him with certain obligations (food/clothing/conjugal rights)
- Choson giving wedding ring; he will protect her
- She walks around him 7 times - 7 days of creation, every marriage is an enactment of the creation process
- Under the chuppah the Kallah stands on the right side of the Choson, symbolises she will always be at his right side to help him. At all other times the Choson is to the right of the kallah.
- 3 stages of marriage
- First make brocha over the wine, symbolises joy
- 1) Kiddushin - Need 2 witnesses specially desugnated. The Rabbi takes ring from Choson and asks if it is his. Choson says litlle prayer ("Behold you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the law of Moshe and israel") before placing the ring on Kallah's finger. Choson takes ring in his right hand. Giving of the ring is likened to G-d's giving of the Torah. The ring is placed on the right hand. Right hand represents love.
The Choson and Kallah are now consecrated to each other and are considered a married person.
Then the Ketuba is read to separate the two parts of the ceremony
- 2) Chuppah - Since the Chuppah represents the Choson and Kallah married and living together the Kallah should have her Ketuba in her posession.
During the wedding and afterwards the Kallah must keep the Ketuba with a trustworthy person to keep it safe.
- 3) 7 Blessings - Said over a cup of wine.
Blessing 1) - wine
Blessing 2) - G-d's glory. Creation, something from nothing
Blessing 3) - Creation of man - something from something
Blessing 4) - "who created man in His image"
Blessing 5) - Blessing for Jerusalem. (Where Adam was created. Adam was taken from Jerusalem to Gan Eden. Blessing recalling Adam and Chava in Gan Eden)
Blessing 6) - Joy for Choson and Kallah separately
Blessing 7) - Joy for the couple together. Contains 10 different levels of Joy
- Choson and Kallah then sip the wine
- Choson then breaks the glass
- Fear of G-d/Awe, Destruction of the Temple, There's still much sadness in the world, We received Torah at Mt Sinai which symbolised marriage between G-d and Israel. The wedding ceremony enactment of Mt sinai where the first tablets were broken.
- Yichud room ...and you're married!!!!!
Please G-d your wedding day will be the most special and exciting day of your life so far and should set the foundation of your lives together. May you only have simchas and happiness together. May all your tefillos be answered, for the good, at the right time.