Marriage

Everything you need for your wedding day Prayers

Marriage

Written by Yehudis Kormornick

Brief outline of tefillas for your wedding day

By Yehudis Kormornick.

Use this to help you to focus on the Prayers that will be the foundation of your future lives.

On your wedding day Hashem listens to all your prayers.

Heaven's gates are opened to your prayers so ask for anything and everything! (Speak in English to ask for all you want).

This Davening list has purposely been written in a brief manner so that you can take these notes and develop them for your own prayers. Many couples have benefitted from printing this guide out and keeping it with them on the day of their wedding!

Prayers -

- Whole family and each others family...

- friends / anyone who needs something ...

What they need: find bashert, children, money, health, happiness, clarity, hatzlocha, refuah sheleima, strength, bring back to way of Hashem ...

- The Jewish people - our enemies should not harm us and we should live in peace.

- Please bring Moshiach soon...

- Ask Hashem for forgiveness for yourself and each other. Whatever you can think of that you've done (been rude to someone/ hurt someone's feelings/ parents...) so you can begin a new life together.

- I pray that we will be able to work on everything together, no matter what it may be, and grow constantly together as one.

- Give me strength to be a good wife/husband. Always encourage each other, bring out the best in each other, support each other, speak to each other lovingly and gently even if we are having a disagreement, let our words not be harsh, give us chochma to say the right words/do the right things so we may not upset one another.

- Help us build a true Jewish home, filled with love and respect for one another.

- Give us wisdom to know what is right and the strength to carry out that knowledge.

- Please G-d we'll have children be'sha tova, in the right time, in a good time.

- May we have children that will be healthy and whole in every aspect, in every limb, healthy physically, mentally and emotionally.

- Children that love You Hashem and love Your Torah (refer to the vezakeni Prayer said after candle lighting)

- May we be good parents and raise good children that love and respect us

- May we bring up our children without pain or difficulty

- Let it not be too difficult for me/my wife to become pregnant, and may my/her pregnancies and birth be healthy, full-term and not too difficult.

- Please let our children be healthy and strong....

- Please give us parnassa, so that we should not be lacking for anything or troubled by money worries....

- May we not experience pain, hurt, sickness...

- Please let us be in a marriage of constant giving to one another, so that peace (Sholom bayis) will dwell between us/among us/in our home. May we always strive together for sholom bayis.

- May we both always focus on how we can bring out the best in each other, make each other happy, be there for each other.

- Help me to be more giving, less selfish....

- Help me to focus on the positive in him/her/situations and let my spouse only see the good in me. Let us be happy/ optimistic.

- Let us have a happy home

- Help me to be honest, thoughtful, kind, patient, appreciative, loving, loyal, sensitive, supportive, understanding, not get angry, happy, respectful with/to my husband/wife. Help mu husband/wife to be good, kind.....

- Let us have a good physical relationship as well as spiritual/emotional relationship

- Help us to keep the laws of family purity.

- Please G-d our love for one another will only continue to grow and grow stronger and deeper, and we will come closer to each other.

- Let us always be able to spend quality time together and be able to discuss things openly.

- Please G-d we will be so happy together and we will only have simchas in our lives.

- May we always feel close to You Hashem on our journey through life together.

THANK YOU HASHEM!

What to think/daven on the day of your wedding

(READ BEFORE)

In Gan Eden, Adam and Chava were the happiest they could ever be when they got married. Why? Because they knew they were bashert, they knew they were destined for each other. There was no-one else!! Even though there are now lots of other people in the world, as soon as you are married to each other it's as if there is no-one else in the world.

No-one else that could be better, more this or more that, G-d chose your husband specifically for you and you only.

If there is something you discover that doesn't seem to be perfect, it's either because you can live with it or it's a nessayon/test for you to work on and grow to be the person you need to be.

You can just read off all the prayers and add in your own extras wherever you want.

The more you daven on the day and speak to Hashem the closer you feel to Him. Hashem is right there with you, listening to your every word.

You can feel so connected and you will really feel so uplifted and spiritual on the day if you use the day well. You will feel that Hashem is with you and it can make the whole wedding so much more powerful and beautiful.

My Rebbetzen told me that the yetzer hara is trying his best on the day, so it's likely that something probably will go wrong whether it be the timings of the day/flowers/music/your dress/your hair...but all these are physical things and they don't really matter. Try not to get stressed.

If you stay connected to Hashem and ignore anything that would otherwise make you so upset (you spent ages picking those flowers and th

ey're not what you asked for!...etc) then your day will be the most beautiful, wonderful day.

Mazel Tov!

Guide for every Choson and Kalla

The following are brief notes ideally for a choson and kalla before their wedding so that the day can be more meaningful.

Marriage

- Marriage gives every person a chance to start with a pure soul

- Every choson and Kallah begins marriage with a clean slate, just as Adam and Chava did when they were married

- Choson and kallah say viduy at mincha (to repent and wipe away all sins as on Yom Kippur). And ask Hashem in own words to forgive all their previous sins. As soon as the ceremony begins their sins are forgiven.

- Kallah - veil is symbol of beauty for her husband. Emulates Rivka - She should be like Rivka.

White dress symbolises purity; she should be free from sin on wedding day.

- Ketuba - contains a committment for
1) food 2) clothing 3) conjugal rights
- Chuppah represents the couple's house

-Custom for Choson not to have anything in their pockets and Kalla's not to wear jewellery under chuppah; symbolises they will take each other even with empty pockets, they accept each other for who they are.

- Choson and Kallah begin walking to the chuppah right foot first - start the marriage on the "right foot", the marriage will be "right", walk in the ways of chesed/mercy...

-Choson is first one under chuppah because the house is the man's domain (the man of the house).

-Last one to the chuppah is the bride. It is taught "the last is the most precious". The star/Queen of the wedding is the Kallah.

- Kallah walks around the Choson - 1) A wife is like a wall for her husband protecting him from external temptation. She protects him. 2) She binds him with certain obligations (food/clothing/conjugal rights)

- Choson giving wedding ring; he will protect her

- She walks around him 7 times - 7 days of creation, every marriage is an enactment of the creation process
- Under the chuppah the Kallah stands on the right side of the Choson, symbolises she will always be at his right side to help him. At all other times the Choson is to the right of the kallah.

- 3 stages of marriage
1) Kiddushin
2) Chuppah
3) Blessing
- First make brocha over the wine, symbolises joy

- 1) Kiddushin - Need 2 witnesses specially desugnated. The Rabbi takes ring from Choson and asks if it is his. Choson says litlle prayer ("Behold you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the law of Moshe and israel") before placing the ring on Kallah's finger. Choson takes ring in his right hand. Giving of the ring is likened to G-d's giving of the Torah. The ring is placed on the right hand. Right hand represents love.

The Choson and Kallah are now consecrated to each other and are considered a married person.

Then the Ketuba is read to separate the two parts of the ceremony
- 2) Chuppah - Since the Chuppah represents the Choson and Kallah married and living together the Kallah should have her Ketuba in her posession.

During the wedding and afterwards the Kallah must keep the Ketuba with a trustworthy person to keep it safe.

- 3) 7 Blessings - Said over a cup of wine.
Blessing 1) - wine
Blessing 2) - G-d's glory. Creation, something from nothing
Blessing 3) - Creation of man - something from something
Blessing 4) - "who created man in His image"
Blessing 5) - Blessing for Jerusalem. (Where Adam was created. Adam was taken from Jerusalem to Gan Eden. Blessing recalling Adam and Chava in Gan Eden)
Blessing 6) - Joy for Choson and Kallah separately
Blessing 7) - Joy for the couple together. Contains 10 different levels of Joy
- Choson and Kallah then sip the wine

- Choson then breaks the glass - Fear of G-d/Awe, Destruction of the Temple, There's still much sadness in the world, We received Torah at Mt Sinai which symbolised marriage between G-d and Israel. The wedding ceremony enactment of Mt sinai where the first tablets were broken.

- Yichud room ...and you're married!!!!!

Please G-d your wedding day will be the most special and exciting day of your life so far and should set the foundation of your lives together. May you only have simchas and happiness together. May all your tefillos be answered, for the good, at the right time.

The sacrifice of Marriage

Marriage
Written by Moshe Kormornick
Marriage is compromise. When two neshamas join to form one, both need to give up some of themselves to create a new, peaceful unity. This is the message we see from very early on. During the Bris Milah ceremony, the following is declared "כשם שנכנס לברית כן יכנס לתורה לחופה ולמעשים טובים" "In the same way that you entered the Bris, so should you enter marriage, Torah and good deeds" Just like during the Bris, the moment of connection with Hashem, we lose something - a part of us is cut and taken away, so too when we want to create the relationship with our spouse (and so too with Torah and performing good deeds which need sacrifices) we need to make sacrifices and cut things out of our lives which will not help the relationship for it is only by losing do we really gain!

Adam & Chava - Marriage As A Humbling Experience

Marriage
Written by Revach
Hashem saw that Adam was the only living creature living alone. "Lo Tov Heyos Adam Livado, Eseh Lo Eizer Kinegdo". Literally this means that Hashem saw it is not good for man to be alone, so He decided to make for him a mate to help him. This would imply that the woman was created to help her husband. Rav Yosef Ben Amram in Ali Be'er learns this pasuk B'Derech Drush quite differently. Hashem was concerned that since Adam was completely alone with no one to challenge him, he would think very highly of himself and forget that he is subject to Hashem above. Moreover without anyone needing his help, he would live purely for himself
Read more...

2 sheva brachos ideas

Marriage
Written by d fine
1) Smooth landing One idea behind the Sheva Brachos is that the chatan and kallah are given a smooth, gradual landing back down to normal life. The wedding was a hugely charged atmospheric and exciting event, and it is difficult to come down to normal life from such heights. Therefore, the new couple are eased back down to normal life via sheva brachos meals; occasions which lie halfway between simchas and normal life. This way, the new couple can internalise the inspiration and excitement which was their wedding and gradually translate it into everyday life, as opposed to seeing the inspiration lost due to the quick transition and come-down between wedding and everyday life. 2) And & with Sometimes the smallest of differences in lashon hakodesh can give rise to a wealth of depth and understanding. The sheva brachos is one such example. The fifth of the sheva brachos ends off mesame’ach chassan ve’challah (‘He who makes the
Read more...

What love really means

Marriage
Written by d fine
One of the things done under the chupah is the reading of the kesubah; the document which details the obligations of the groom to his wife. On face value, this seems rather inappropriate. We are witnessing the height of love and commitment between a husband and wife to share their lives together, and suddenly they are read the document which talks about their boring, mundane, everyday obligations - that he must feed and support her, as well as well as whatever dowry she brings into the marriage. But don’t these details spoil the romance and love of the occasion somewhat; how do we reconcile these mundane everyday obligations with the grand, boundless and limitless emotion of love on display under the chupah? The answer is a key to what love is all about. Love is not merely an emotion which is disconnected from action. Love must be expressed in even the smallest of actions to make the love meaningful and real. Therefore, via the reading of the kesubah we are conveying this message to the happy couple under the chupah; ‘you might feel that you are in love with each other at this very moment, but that emotion of love must be translated into action and real commitment in the realm of everyday life.’ As Rav Dessler used to point out, love (ahavah) is from the root ‘to give’ (hav) - love must be expressed by giving.

Peaceful godly abode

Marriage
Written by d fine
The gemarra gives us a vital insight into the heights of spirituality that can be attained via a successful marriage. The gemarra (Sotah 17a) comments that ‘if a man and wife have peace between them, the Shechinah (HaShem’s Presence) resides within them. Whilst if they do not have peace between them then fire consumes them.’ In other words, a peaceful marital home is a conduit for bringing the Shechinah down; the Shechinah resides in such a home. Rashi reveals the depth of what our gemarra is saying. The word for ‘man’ in lashon hakodesh is ish (alef, yud, shin), whilst a woman is an isha (alef shin heh). Now both the words ish and isha have the letters alef and shin, which spell aish (fire), in them. However, the man has a yud, whilst a woman has a heh. Thus, if the man and woman bond in a proper, spiritual, peace-enhancing way then the yud and the heh which form HaShem’s Name come together and are expressed in full. However, if the peace and harmony is removed then the yud and heh are taken away from the words ish and isha, and the result is aish and aish - fire clashing with fire. Indeed, Rav Wolbe would say that this concept of bringing the Shechinah down is behind the mitzvah of making a chassan and kallah joyful. For if we make the new couple full of simcha then their marriage is likely to be more peaceful, which, in turn, means that we are making the Shechinah descend.

Does Torah Study Refine a Person's Character?

Marriage
Written by From Daf Yomi Review
A rabbi once visited the illustrious Rabbi Kanievsky, who was called "the Steipler," and he told him that he was looking for a shidduch for his granddaughter. He asked the Steipler what traits were important to look for in a boy, and the Steipler responded, "Diligence in Torah learning, common sense and good character." The visitor wondered, "If he is immersed in Torah and has achieved greatness in it, won’t he automatically have good character?" "Not necessarily," responded the Steipler. "A student leans on his "shtender" [learning stand] learning Torah diligently in yeshiva for many years. A shtender is a convenient creation. It never asks for help with anything, for example, taking out the garbage or buying something at the grocery, and it never gets angry. There was never a shtender in a bad mood, or a shtender that expected someone to speak kind words of encouragement to it. No shtender has ever gotten sick and required medical treatment...
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Waiting for the right girl

Marriage
Written by d fine
The second pasuk of Parshas Toldos tells us that ‘Yitzchak was 40 years when he married Rivkah…’ Why, asks the Netziv, is it important for us to know how old Yitzchak was when he got married? The Netziv answers that this is to praise Yitzchak. For Yitzchak did not just marry any girl when he realised he was getting old; he made sure he found the right one. Thus, when he realised that there were no appropriate girls in his area, Eliezer was sent to find a wife for Yitzchak from further a field. Indeed, the Netziv continues that this is why Yaakov did not marry until he was 80 years old - for he simply had not found the right girl for him. The message is to make sure one does not settle for any old partner just because one feels that they will find no-one else. A marriage is about
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Righteousness, Righteousness you shall pursue

Marriage
Written by Ben Rose
The pasuk in Parshas shoftim states: "Righteousness, righteousness you shall pursue so that you will live and take possession of the land that Hashem, your G-d, gives you." Why does it need to say righteousness twice? We see often in the torah that words are used to emphasise a point G-d is trying to get across! Being Righteous isn't enough in Hashem's eyes! one must be righteous and pursue righteousness! The following story might help, a man has a favourite tv program, he prepares to sit down and watch this more than he prepares for his date! He prepares the perfect cup of tea/ or cold beer, he gets the tv to the perfect volume, he adjusts his chair to the perfect reclining position and hes ready to watch... coronation street! Anyway two minutes into the episode of corra the program is interrupted with an infomercial showing a thin black child in africa, "This child like many others is strving day in day out and needs your help" reads the caption. "£2 per month is all we need!"...
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We are all equal

Marriage
Written by Ben Rose
The Torah goes to great length to repeat the Kobanos of each Nasi. It would have been much shorter to just write it once and then say that all the Nisi'im brought the same Korbanos. Why the lengthy repetition? I once heard an interesting explanation. Many times we find that people who want to do an act of "Frumkeit" feel that they must "out do" what everyone else is doing. If someone spends $X for an Esrog then I must spend $X plus 1. The Torah
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Davening on the Wedding Day - Part A

Marriage
Written by Yehudis Kormornick
The following segment is a brief outline of tefillas for the wedding day. Please print this out and use it for the Big Day to focus on the Prayers that will be the foundation of your future lives On your wedding day Hashem listens to all your prayers. Heavens gates are opened to your prayers so ask for anything and everything! (Speak in English to ask for all you want). - Whole family, and each others family. What they need :- beshert, children, money, health, bring back to way of Hashem...
Read more...

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